Ahhhh Matt and I had our first lonnnng meeting with our doula last night. I’ve gotta say, I feel SO much better about the whole me-giving-birth-to-a-human thing.
I wish I could say that I have been super confident this whole pregnancy about having a child, but I don’t think that’s normal for anyone to feel. My head knows that my body can do this. It’s what my body is made for. But, when you’ve never actually experienced birth, it’s easy to overthink and let your mind go wild.
For example, if I stop to think, “oh my gosh I’m having a baby”, within seconds I can imagine a terrifying birth experience and everything in between that leads to scared Eva sitting alone on the couch (clueless) with baby.
Will I have the textbook, perfect birth? Who knows. It’s definitely important to be aware of various birth scenarios (not all of which are good), but it’s also important to be positive. From what I’ve read, positivity really can affect your labor experience.
Matt and I already went through the Bradley Method classes which were super comprehensive (and I highly recommend them!). Though we feel we kind of know what to expect, we were nervous about how we’d actually handle labor/delivery in the moment. Heck, I know while I’m in labor I won’t be thinking of all the relaxation/comfort techniques we learned. Ideally, Matt would, but again, first timers here.
We knew the likelihood of my mom getting here from Texas to help me while I’m laboring would be slim to none, so we decided to hire a doula – Gwen. So far, seems like a great decision. As soon as she left last night, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I feel so much more calm about everything.
She’s been a doula for a few couples at the same hospital Matt and I will be giving birth at, and she walked us through what we’d experience at the hospital. She also quizzed us on other labor things we learned in Bradley classes and how she would be playing a role throughout the whole process.
As first time parents, even with preparation, it feels like you’re going at labor/delivery blindly because you don’t know what things you learned will actually work in the moment. Gwen will give us that motherly touch that Matt and I both need during those crazy-beautiful-painful-emotional hours, and I can’t wait to tell y’all how it goes in real life.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
-The Merton Prayer from “Thoughts in Solitude”